(From a work trip last year to Toronto.)
I haven’t always been afraid to travel. Maybe “afraid” is a harsh word for it. But I get all kinds of anxiety now when I have to go somewhere outside my daily life, even if it’s for something fun. We have a bit of a mini-adventure coming up soon, and I’m already in major offense mode. What might happen? (All good things.) Will the weather be okay? (Probably.) What if it’s not?(We’ll deal.) What if we miss our train? (We won’t.) All of these things are keeping me up at night, and this is supposed to be fun.
When I was younger, I hopped on planes and took vacations for weeks at a time alone. I drove hundreds of miles to places I’d never been, and made long waits at the airports seem like a visit to the mall. It was fantastic and fun, and I’d come back from each vacation feeling like I had a big secret that the rest of the world didn’t know about….other places!
Now? Now, I just want to stay home. Now, I get antsy at the thought of even booking a plane ticket. Two years ago, when my husband and I had to take a last minute trip to Winnipeg (for something good), I nearly had a brain aneurysm from all the worry. Trust me, when you’re sitting beside me at 20,000 feet in an airplane, and you want to show me something out the window, that is NOT the best way to keep me calm. Poor guy. I wouldn’t even let him talk to me for most of the flight.
And today, when we were watching a travel show on TV and the host claimed you could save yourself from carrying everything by buying it at your destination (like medicines and toothpaste), I almost lost it. What was he thinking? What if you got sick in the airport? Or on the plane? Or what if you ate something with garlic and had to sit next to a stranger on a train for four hours??? I would lose my mind if I didn’t have all of the supplies for a “what if” situation.
So, what happened between my carefree early travel days and now? Life, I guess. And reality. And everyday anxieties turning into other anxieties. Will I ever feel that joyous draw of travel again? Maybe. I usually have a good time while I’m there, but it’s the unknowns of the travel that get to me most.
Could someone just invent a simple thing like a transporter to get me places? Start working on that. I’d pay a lot to use it, and I’m sure other people would, too.
Wish me luck on my mini-trip. Or rather, be thinking of my husband who will constantly have to talk me down from the ledges……
