I’m a non-disrupter. I don’t rock the boat. I don’t stir things up. I don’t jump in puddles. I don’t mess with things. I say sorry a million times a day. I’m not controversial. I’m a non-disrupter. And I’m okay with that.
When I was a little kid, I didn’t lie (or if I did, I soon confessed for fear of being caught and making things worse), I didn’t rebel, and I always did what was expected of me. It’s not that I was a goody-two-shoes who thought she was superior to everyone; I just couldn’t tolerate the conflict that went along with doing something bad. In high school, I didn’t swear, didn’t drink, and didn’t sneak out of the house. Sounds boring, I know, but I really did have a happy life.
Even today, I cringe when someone on Facebook has a rant about something. And while I might have strong beliefs about particular causes, you won’t find me getting behind a hashtag on Twitter or talking about who I’m going to vote for in our upcoming municipal election. It doesn’t mean I don’t care. I just would rather keep the peace.
But I stir and I splash around and I jab and I cause all kinds of trouble in the books I write. There, on those pages, I can let my characters twist and act out. I can let them swear and rebel and do everything wrong. I can mess everything up and let those people writhe around until they figure out how to drag themselves out of the muck. Writing is my own form of bravery.
I’m being brave today.