NOT READY for that CONVERSATION

Recently, I heard a popular YouTuber say that she was out with friends when someone recognized her from her YouTube channel. She feigned ignorance and laughed it off, but secretly started sweating it out. Her friends new nothing about her channel–or the fact that she had 50,000 subscribers. The thing was, she wanted to keep it that way, because she wasn’t ready for that conversation.

 

 

Okay, so now I’m sure you’re curious about what this girl’s channel is all about. Does it matter? What if she paints pictures live, like a 21st century Bob Ross? Or what if she does makeup tutorials, or fashion haul try-ons? These are all innocent things, and so is the content of her channel. But it’s also something a lot of people don’t know about…or understand. So, she chooses to keep it from her friends because it’s just easier.

 

 

Why do we pick the “easier” way so often? I get it. There are only a handful of people in my close circle who know that I write. I choose not to tell people because I’m not ready for the conversation…or conversations. (When is your book coming out? What’s it about? You wrote more than one? Why don’t you try writing “real” books?) I could go on.

 

 

I choose the easier option because if (when) I do have something to tell the world, I want it to be on my terms. People can judge me all they want then because I’ll have succeeded in the way that matters most to me. I don’t need a million dollar contract. I don’t have to be on the best seller list. I don’t even have to sell more than one copy. Whatever people think of me at that point will be irrelevant to me.

 

 

But not right now. Right now, I choose to work in the ether. I make my strides at my own speed. I can stop whenever I want and get out completely. I do this for me.

 

 

Maybe that’s really the only reason to do anything at all. I do this for me.

 

 

heidi sinnett

 

 

 

 

 

P.S…..the YouTuber I was talking about? She makes relaxation videos….kind of like those mesmerizing clips you see on Instagram of people making slime, or pouring liquid icing on cakes. What’s wrong with that? Nothing. She does it for herself…and 50,000 other people.

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